WASTE NOT YOUR WORDS: How to achieve conciseness

-->

Melville's whale of a book (above) is just as concise as                                                                                             Hemingway's sleek marlin of a novella (below).

Conciseness is a principal virtue of good writing.

Let me be clear: “Conciseness” does not mean simply “fewer words.” If that were the case, The Old Man and the Sea would be considered more “concise” than Moby Dick, and all short stories would be considered more “concise” than all novels. On the contrary: A Shakespearean sonnet is not more “concise” than an epic poem like Paradise Lost—it is simply shorter, and that has nothing to do with conciseness. (Both Shakespeare and Milton, by the way, are masters of conciseness. Consider: “Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing” [from Macbeth]. “Better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven” [from Paradise Lost]. Has more ever been said in fewer words?)

Nor does “conciseness” refer to the length of sentences. One of the deep-rooted, time-stretching sentences of William Faulkner or one of the multi-layered, massively qualified, intricately knotted sentences of Henry James is just as likely to be effectively concise as one of Ernest Hemingway’s tight-knit phrasings.

No, “conciseness” simply means the virtue of conveying the most information with the fewest words, the length of the document (or the sentence) notwithstanding. Conciseness comes down to this: Don’t waste words. For a writer, that’s worse than wasting water.

That said, here are fifteen ways to help you say more with fewer words:

1. Remove implied redundancies.

Wordy: “The young girl screamed loudly as she sat on the soft fluffy dog in the white snow.”

Better: “The girl screamed as she sat on the fluffy dog in the snow.”

When you take out “young,” “loudly,” “soft,” and “white,” you’ve lost no information. A girl is by implication young. A scream is by implication loud. (If it’s a soft scream, then the adjective “soft” should be added.) Can a fluffy dog be anything else but soft? No. Is all snow white? No. But if you simply say “snow,” the reader will see white.

2. When possible, replace adverbial words and phrases by using one well-chosen base word.

Wordy: “walked with great confidence”

Better: “strode” or “marched”

Wordy: “extremely large”

Better: “huge” or “enormous” or “gigantic”

Wordy: “spoke under her breath”

Better: “whispered” or “mumbled” or “murmured”

3. Most of the time, use active-voice verbs. 

Wordy: “The words were spoken by my uncle.”

Better: “My uncle spoke the words.”

Wordy: “The ducks were shot by Norm.”

Better: “Norm shot the ducks.”

(Note: The passive voice has its place. For more on the passive voice, see this link: http://writeyourbest.blogspot.com/2011/02/cowards-cop-out-abuse-of-passive-voice.html .)

4. Avoid noun-based phrases where a single strong verb will do.

Wordy: “I have hopes that I will pass the test,”

Better: “I hope I will pass the test.”

Wordy: “We made a decision to climb the mountain”

Better: “We decided to climb the mountain.”

Wordy: “She came to the conclusion that she would apply only to state schools”

Better: “She opted to apply only to state schools.”

5. Avoid most intensifiers. These include words like “very,” “really,” and “extremely.”

Wordy: “I am very eager to take on really difficult subjects in the extremely challenging college curriculum.”

Better: “I am eager to take on difficult subjects in the challenging college curriculum.”

The intensifiers add nothing to the original sentence and in fact make it seem that the student is trying really very extremely too hard.

6. Avoid most deintensifiers. These include words like “rather,” “somewhat,” and “quite.”

Wordy: “I am rather eager to take on the somewhat difficult subjects in the quite challenging college curriculum.”

Better: “I am eager to take on difficult subjects in the challenging college curriculum.”

The deintensifiers add nothing to the original sentence and in fact make the writer sound rather somewhat quite wishy-washy.

7. Avoid pompous phrasing.

Wordy: “at this point in time”

Better: “now” or “today”

Wordy: “He engaged in the utilization of the chain saw.”

Better: “He used the chain saw.”

A worker engaged in the utilization of a chain saw?

8. Consider changing “there are” and “it is” phrasing.

Wordy: “There are many people who prefer bagels to donuts.”

Better:  “Many people prefer bagels to donuts.”

Wordy: “It is often the case that college seniors get careless about doing their schoolwork.”

Better: “College seniors often neglect their schoolwork.”

(Note that I’ve also changed the long-winded phrase “get careless about doing” with the crisp verb “neglect,” which contains all the same information. Well-chosen verbs are at the heart of good, concise writing. Note also that I say consider changing "there are" and "it is" constructions. That doesn't mean get rid of all of them. They have their place.)

9. Put statements in positive form.

Wordy: “It was not uncommon for Ted to talk too much.”

Better: “Ted often talked too much.”

Wordy: “None of the dogs in the room appeared sick or injured.”

Better: “All the dogs in the room appeared healthy.”

Wordy: “I hardly ever saw Jane when she was not drunk.”

Better: “I rarely saw Jane sober.”

(Like most rules, this can be broken in certain circumstances. For more on this subject, see this link: http://writeyourbest.blogspot.com/2011/03/dont-tie-yourself-in-nots.html . I first learned this advice from the wonderful book The Elements of Style, by Strunk and White, which you should read tomorrow.)

10. Avoid empty “all-purpose” nouns.

Wordy: “The dining situation in the dorms is inefficient.”

Better: “Dorm dining is inefficient.” 

Wordy: “Drinking water is a factor in preventing dehydration.”

Better: “Drinking water prevents dehydration.”

Wordy: “Grades are a consideration to be an issue in college admission decisions.”

Better: “Grades influence college admission decisions.”

11. Avoid long imprecise phrases where a single precise word will do.

Wordy: “wooden interdental stimulators”

Better: “toothpicks”

Wordy: “electronically-regulated traffic-control mechanisms”

Better: “stoplights”

(Note: These two wordy examples come from real government documents. For more examples of bad writing, see this link: http://writeyourbest.blogspot.com/2011/01/can-you-translate-this-16-real-examples.html .)

An electronically-regulated traffic-control mechanism?

12. Avoid redundant categories.

Wordy: “The campus is a place where people feel safe.”

Better: “People feel safe on campus.”

Wordy: “My mother is a person who cares about others,”

Better: “My mother cares about others.”

Wordy: “Waitressing is a job that teaches many life skills.”

Better: “Waitressing teaches many life skills.”

13. Avoid redundant pairs.

Wordy: “our goals and objectives”

Better: just “our goals” or just “our objectives”

Wordy: “your hopes and dreams”

Better: just “your hopes” or just “your dreams”

14. Tighten too-loose sentences.

Wordy: “There I was, walking in the woods, and it was 6 a.m. in the morning, and the sun was just above the horizon in the east when I saw twelve crows and they were flying low above the wheat field.”

Better: “Walking in the woods at 6 a.m., the sun just above the horizon, I saw twelve crows flying low above the wheat field.”

15. Subordinate or reduce minor ideas into clauses and phrases instead of giving them their own sentences.

Wordy: “The dog was brown. It was also large. It came at me slowly. It was snarling. The wind was rising. Rain could be seen in the east, where there were hills. I began to run.”

Better: “The large brown dog crept toward me, snarling. The wind was rising, and I could see rain in the eastern hills. I began to run.”

(Note: There are other good ways to merge these ideas into sentences. How you do it depends on the effect you wish to achieve.)

Note that in all this advice, I don’t recommend that you save words by removing ideas, information, examples, or concrete images from your writing. Indeed, they are the substance of good writing. When you save words by using such tactics as I’ve listed here, you have room for even more substance.

I must add, here at the end, a mild caveat: There may be times when, for stylistic reasons (rhythm, sentence variation, a shift of emphasis, and so on), the sentence that best serves your needs contains more words than you might require for purely informational purposes. As with any writing advice, the command to be concise must be weighed against the other demands of good writing.

# # #