THE END OF THE SENTENCE: How to stick your landings

A sentence is like a walk to a waterfall.

     Think of a sentence as a small journey for your readers, like a walk to a waterfall or a bike ride to the ice cream shop. The payoff normally comes, not during the journey itself (though the journey should be pleasant), but at the end.

     None of the following sentences is wrong, exactly, but each has a similar weakness.

“An elephant burial ground is something that everyone should visit at some point in her life.”

“My fiancée’s drinking problem is a matter that is causing me great concern.”

“Given the state of the economy, that our company lost $2.5 million last year should result in significant changes to the way we do business in the future.”

“The short attention spans of U.S. teenagers will become a difficulty in today’s ever more competitive global society.”

“The need to find new sources of energy besides oil in the coming decades is becoming abundantly clear.”

“He finished at the top of his class even though he worked two jobs and played football.”

“He was forced to declare bankruptcy because of all the medical bills he had run up.”

“Wind turbines are one of the most interesting features of the new apartment complex.”

“If we don’t study for the test, passing the course will be problematic.”

      The common problem here? That’s right: Each sentence ends, not with a satisfying snap, but with a dying gasp. Instead of gradually leading readers to the main point and then sending them off satisfied with a fresh, shining idea, each sentence trails off into vague or vacant phrases, the main point left somewhere behind. In the first sentence, for example, elephant burial grounds are interesting, but “is something that everyone should visit at some point in her life” is wordy and flat; it’s a phrase that could follow almost any subject (the Taj Mahal, Mammoth Cave, the far side of insanity). Likewise the second sentence: “My fiancée’s drinking problem” certainly grabs one’s attention, but “is a matter that is causing me great concern” is trite and bland and could, again, follow almost any subject (acne, global warming, the death of god).

     In writer’s terms, each of the sample sentences lacks “end focus.” In several cases, it could be said that the sentence has a “weak predicate.” (Reminder: the predicate is the verb part of a sentence, including the modifiers and objects that go with the verb.)

     Forgive me for mixing my metaphors (so far I’ve tried snaps, gasps, “shining” things, “vacant” things, hikes, and ice cream). Here's a new metaphor to give you my version of the principle at work here:

     Look for the gold nugget in your sentence. More often than not, try to put that nugget at the end.

     (Notice I didn’t write, “Putting that nugget at the end is what you should try to do, more often than not.” Dying gasp.)

Generally, put the nugget of your sentence at the end.

     Let’s rewrite each of the weak sentences from the beginning of this post to give them end focus. (Teachers: Have your students try it first.)

Weak finish: “An elephant burial ground is something that everyone should visit at some point in her life.”

Strong finish: “At least once, everyone should visit an elephant burial ground.”

Weak finish: “My fiancée’s drinking problem is a matter that is causing me great concern.”

Strong finish: “I worry about my fiancée’s drinking problem.”

Weak finish: “Given the state of the economy, that our company lost $2.5 million last year should result in significant changes to the way we do business in the future.”

Strong finish: “In this economy, because our company lost $2.5 million last year, we must change the way we do business.”

OR
Strong finish: “In this economy, if we don’t change the way we do business, we may lose $2.5 million again this year.”

[Note: Which fix you use depends on what you want to emphasize: the need to change business practices or the fact that the company lost money.]

Weak finish: “The short attention spans of U.S. teenagers will become a difficulty in today’s ever more competitive global society.”

Strong finish: “In a global economy, U.S. teenagers will be handicapped by their short attention spans.”

Weak finish: “The need to find new sources of energy besides oil in the coming decades is becoming abundantly clear.”

Strong finish: “In the coming decades, we must find new sources of energy besides oil.”

Weak finish: “He finished at the top of his class even though he worked two jobs and played football.”

Strong finish: “Even though he worked two jobs and played football, he finished at the top of his class.”

Weak finish: “He was forced to declare bankruptcy because of all the medical bills he had run up.”

Strong finish: “His medical bills forced him to declare bankruptcy.”

Weak finish: “Wind turbines are one of the most interesting features of the new apartment complex.”

Strong finish: “Interestingly, the new apartment complex features wind turbines.”

Weak finish: “If we don’t study for the test, passing the course will be problematic.”

Strong finish: “If we want to pass the course, we must study for the test.”

OR

Strong finish: “If we don’t study for the test, we will fail the course.”

[Again, how you finish the sentence depends on what you wish to emphasize.]

      Did you notice that, in the improved sentences, I cheated a bit? For one thing, in addition to moving the main idea to the end, I often changed the verb. As I’ve said in other blog posts, the most important part of any sentence is the verb. Weak verbs lead to weak sentences. Most of the bad sample sentences had weak main verbs, such as “is,” “should result,” “will become,” “are,” “will be.” Notice that none of these verbs describes any action. To fix the sentences, it helped to give the verbs some muscle. Look at the new verbs: “should visit,” “worry,” “must change,” “may lose,” “will be handicapped” [a rare case when a passive-voice verb works well], “must find,” “forced,” “features,” “must study,” “will fail.” Each sentence now ends, not just with the nugget of the idea, but with a strong verb phrase.

      For another thing, I also made the sentences more concise, less trite, less “fancy” in their language and more “plain.” This helped make the nugget of each sentence shine a bit more clearly at the end.

The periodic sentence ends satisfyingly, like a good jump shot.

     Writers sometimes try an extreme version of the end-focused sentence. It’s called the “periodic sentence.” The periodic sentence builds and builds, slowly, slowly, and then, bam!, just before the period, it hits you with the main point, often a surprise. Here are two examples:

 “Although she had perfect skin, pleasant curves, and shimmering hair, although she was well read and could converse intelligently on any subject, although she was good with animals and loved children, he found her perfectly repulsive.”

“In the midst of rain showers, during snow flurries and wind storms, before sunrise and after sunset, following break-ups and funerals, he could be found in the park, practicing his jump shot.”

      In fact, to add a gymnastics metaphor, there’s an even more extreme way to land the end of the sentence. I call it "the suspenseful colon.” Here are two examples:

“There is one thing that everyone should visit before they die: an elephant burial ground.”

“I’m worried about something: my fiancée’s drinking problem.”

      You get the idea.

      Both the periodic sentence and the “suspenseful colon” should be used sparingly. Overused,  they become a mannerism—a kind of writerly tic. They can distract the reader from your content and draw attention to you, the writer—rarely a good idea. Ah, and the “suspenseful dash,” as used in the previous two sentences, can also help you strongly emphasize an idea. Likewise, the sentence fragment.

       Used well, such devices can be satisfying ways to bring the journey of a sentence to an end: ice cream and waterfalls for all.

A sentence should stick the landing.

________________

Other writers on the end of sentences:

“Formulas for ending sentences are like other verbal formulas. All formulas should be avoided, but some more than others. The filler predicate is certain to destroy any possibility of a satisfactory coda, an ending that satisfies us by its rhythm and resolution.” —Donald Hall, Writing Well

“Sentences generally should not dwindle into modifying phrases or weak predicates, such as those that merely declare that something ‘is important.’ Instead, the predicate should add new information that the next sentence will comment on.”—Carolyn Rude, Technical Editing

“The principle that the proper place for what is to be made most prominent is the end applies equally to the words of a sentence, to the sentences of a paragraph, and to the paragraphs of a composition.”—E.B. White, The Elements of Style