GRAMMAR MYTHS: Lies your English teacher told you

This book belongs in every writer's library.

    My life partner Gail once worked as director of marketing for a nonprofit organization in Memphis. One of the members of the organization's board of directors was a lawyer who had an Ivy League degree and prided himself on his knowledge of grammar. At one point Gail wrote a fund-raising letter for the organization and showed it to the lawyer for his approval. He said the letter was fine except for one thing: "You can't end a sentence with a preposition!" he cried, pointing to the offending words.

     Knowing my love of all things grammatical, Gail later showed me the sentence. It read something like this: "We know you care deeply about the organizations you donate your money to." I told her the sentence was perfectly all right. I explained that the "rule" that you mustn't end a sentence with a preposition was a myth. The rule arose in the 18th century, when writers of English fell in love (again) with Latin, a language which does not allow sentences to end with prepositions. Little old English teachers have been perpetuating the no-preposition-at-the-end myth ever since.

     To support my claim that it is perfectly all right to end a sentence with a preposition, I directed Gail to H.W. Fowler's Modern English Usage, the Bible for all things grammatical. (You could also consult any number of other grammar books and style guides.) Fowler was a cranky, opinionated fellow, sometimes a bit over-fussy but always well informed. His book is delightful. It contains an entire mini-essay explaining why it is, and always has been, perfectly fine to end sentences with prepositions. He notes that just about all great writers have done it; he gives examples. He calls this rule about prepositions "a superstition."

     Gail copied Fowler's mini-essay about prepositions and showed it to the lawyer. He fussed, fumed, and turned red. Finally, he said, "F**k Fowler! Do it my way!"

     So Gail did it the lawyer's way. Sometimes the organizational hierarchy trumps sensible grammar.

     There are a number of grammar myths that have been perpetuated by well-meaning but ill-informed English teachers. If writing instructors like me decide that we should teach grammar in our writing classes at all, we should be sure that we teach it correctly and that we don’t perpetuate those myths, some of which make us look like Latin-obsessed 18^th-century fuddyduddies. Below are some examples of “rules” that are just plain wrong, according to the best authorities, like The Chicago Manual of Style, Fowler’s Modern English Usage, Modern American Usage (by Wilson Follett), and The American Heritage Dictionary usage panel. We owe it to ourselves to periodically delve into such texts, lest we become Mrs. Grundys. (Yes, an infinitive, poor thing, was split to make that last sentence.)

Winston Churchill had no problem ending a sentence with a preposition.

RULES THAT ARE WRONG

Every rule below in red is a myth, a lie, a superstition. You may break the rule without guilt.

Never begin a sentence with a conjunction like and or but. Wrong! All authorities accept the following: “I know my grammar inside out. But I never said I was perfect.”

Never end a sentence with a preposition. Wrong! “Who are you waiting for?”  is fine according to all authorities. (Note: Many authorities believe it would also be pretentious to use “whom” in that sentence, even in formal writing, although "whom" is technically correct.)

     Fowler gives this example: "That depends on what they are cut with." Try rewriting that sentence without ending it with a preposition, and see the knots you tie yourself into. 

     (Most of us have heard the following, perhaps apocryphal story, but it's always fun to repeat: Winston Churchill was a first-rate writer. At a party once, a woman said to him, "Sir Winston, you have written a fine book. But in several places you end sentences with a preposition. That is improper." Churchill paused a moment, and then said to the lady, "Madame, that rule is the kind of arrant nonsense up with which I will not put.")

Never use “that” to refer to people. Wrong! Nearly all authorities (e.g., Fowler, the American Heritage usage panel) declare the following sentence to be perfectly fine: “The man that loves Yeats is the man that she’ll love.” 

If Kirk can split an infinitive, so can you.

Never split infinitives or multi-part verbs. “To boldly go where no one has gone before” is all right for all of us, not just Captain Kirk. I am now going to move on (thereby putting the adverb "now" in the middle of the two-part verb "am going"—perfectly acceptable).

Never use hopefully like this: “Hopefully, it won’t rain tomorrow.” The debate on this is still raging. (Note: “is raging still” is a bit pompous. Split that verb!) The Chicago Manual says the above usage for hopefully is fine. The American Heritage usage panel still doesn’t like it, but the dictionary’s editors think it’s okay. They compare it to mercifully, as in “Mercifully, this grammar post ended before I became catatonic.”

Never begin a sentence with “however.”  Wrong! A good plurality of the American Heritage usage panel have no problem with beginning a sentence with “however.” However, some old fogies still don't like it.

Never use the phrase “the reason why.” Wrong! “The reason why I left is that he kept misusing the subjunctive voice” is okay with most authorities like The Chicago Manual of Style. (Note: “The reason . . .  is because” is still objectionable to most authorities.)

Never use like as a conjunction meaning as or as if. Actually, most authorities still prefer this rule. I put it here because even the very good, grammatically sound young writers at the magazines I’ve worked on find the sentence “He ran like he was being chased by a ghost” perfectly all right, and would find “as if” pompous there. So, although it's still a legitimate rule, we fuddyduddies need to be ready to give it up soon.

None of those ants were here when I started writing this post.

Never use a plural verb with the word none. Wrong! “None of those ants were here when I set the table” is just fine with all authorities.

Never use the word “between” with more than two nouns. Wrong! All authorities find the following sentence correct: “The exchanges between London, Athens, and Moscow are being kept confidential.”

Never use the first-person I. Obviously, this rule is impossible to follow if you’re writing anything about yourself, your experiences, or your point of view. Can you imagine a memoir without "I"? (Oh, and you is okay, too. In fact, some fine writers say you should try your best to use you whenever you can. "One," they say, sounds pretentious, as in "One ought never split an infinitive.") 

     Many high-school English teachers still insist that their students must never use "I." I'm guessing that this command comes from an honest impulse: the teachers have simply seen that students often use "I" and its variations unnecessarily. Examples: "In my opinion, Moby Dick is a great novel" and "I believe the final act of King Lear is a pageant of despair." Teachers, tell your students that if their byline is on the paper, "in my opinion" and "I believe" are simply unnecessary. However, if a student is writing about what he or she did last summer, "I" cannot be avoided.

Never use since to mean causation. Wrong! Nearly all authorities say the following sentence is fine: “Since I’m pregnant, I’d better not drink champagne tonight.”

Never put a comma before a final adverb clause. This rule actually appears in the  grammar handbook that we once used in our comp classes at Virginia Tech, but, as an absolute, it’s not correct. Note the difference in meaning between these two sentences:

            He didn’t get married because he likes good cooking.

            He didn’t get married, because he likes good cooking.

Each is correct, but in one case the guy is still single, and his girlfriend is a lousy cook!

Again, ignore all the rules in red. They're just plain wrong.

Now let us go forth and, abjuring silly rules, rid the world of comma splices, as Ahab sought to rid the world of white whales.

Moby Dick is a myth, just like the rule about never using "I" in a paper.